Blessings

When is the last time you blessed someone? Being a blessing can be very easy. It doesn't have to be a ton of money. It can be time, effort, words, or love. It's something we often miss in our world. It's literally a 30 second thing you can do to totally make someone's day.

I recently met a family that is constantly blessing me. Mostly they use their words to share appreciation, but sometimes they make me things or cook things or just share a sweet thought. And I REALLY appreciate it. I wish more people did that.

It got me thinking of a book I read a long time ago... "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. The entire book is basically a challenge to find 1,000 things to be thankful for and through the process your life is changed. I started a thankful journal when I read the book, but only made it to about 200 before I gave up. I really want to start that back up again. It truly can be a life changing experience.

So on that note, I want to start being an encouragement. I recently wrote a post about feeling like a "failure" in life. And since then, not much in my life has changed in the direction that I would necessarily like, BUT I have learned (slowly, but surely) the importance of being thankful.

I am going to challenge myself again to the 1000 gifts challenge, but also to being a blessing to others. I think that goes hand-in-hand. I can't wait to see how much my attitude, mind, and life change!!

Here are some great ways to START to being a blessing to others:

• rake the neighbor's leaves
• cook a few extra pieces/plates of each meal and then deliver those to others
• LISTEN to others
• share an encouraging word with someone through text or email
• send a card/note in the mail just reminding someone you're thinking of them
• pray for others

For instance, there was a spice rub I made for some loved ones in my life. I was making the spice rub anyway for myself, so I made 1.5 times the recipe to split up for two people! They both loved it and felt loved by me. It's the little things. 

Great is Thy Faithfulness

I realized my last blog post title was "When You Feel Like a Failure", but I then failed to give a cure for when you feel like that. Probably because I, myself, felt like a failure and had no answers.

Today is the first day of school in our district. I have a great sadness in my heart. I wanted so badly to have a classroom today. I was craving the chance to grade papers again, create lesson plans, and lead my students. I was born to be a teacher and when that desire is not met I feel so... so... what am I looking for... incomplete.

Yes, incomplete.

How am I supposed to feel when  I have such a great desire for something and I do everything in my power to obtain that desire... and the rest is left up to someone else? It's depressing. And I know I am not the only one to ever get turned down from a job or to lose out on a chance to take hold of their heart's desire. Stuff happens.

I'm reminded of that beautiful hymn I grew up singing- "Great is Thy Faithfulness". And it's true. God's faithfulness to His children is GREAT! He won't leave me abandoned in this depression, He won't walk away from this sad person... He remains faithful... now get this- to me. He remains faithful to me. How powerful is that?

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
"Great is Thy faithfulness" Lord unto me

My prayer and my heart's hymn today.

And that's the answer to when you feel like a failure. His faithfulness.

When You Feel Like a Failure

School in this district starts in two days. I received a call yesterday about interviewing for an 8th grade Language Arts position today. I spent all night and early morning reading, preparing, practicing, re-reading, mock interviewing, and everything in between. I had a sleepless night, but I felt like the best candidate for the job. I even printed out previous newsletters, lesson plans, and my portfolio to share along with my resume and reference letters. And overall... I feel like I did fairly well at my interview. I maintained eye contact with the entire team that was interviewing me, I looked and talked the part, I had excellent answers for every question and I was even put on the spot a few times. When I left the interview I, of course, critiqued everything I did. Maybe I talked too fast. Maybe I rambled too much. Maybe I forgot to share an important scenario or key word. For the most part though, I felt so sure of myself.

I was told a few hours later that a "better qualified candidate was chosen".

I immediately broke into tears. Now a background story about me would let you know I do not love junior high teaching, per say. I was not thrilled to be interviewing for this job compared to a third or fourth grade position. But I sure as heck made sure they didn't know that. I made it seem like I was in love with junior highers and it was my dying wish to be their teacher (maybe not that desperate sounding). So, it was not the fact that I didn't get this job... I broke into tears because I had failed.

I spent this whole last year subbing, just aching to have my own classroom. Each and every day that I subbed was a painful process. I hated being in a classroom that wasn't mine. I hated teaching lessons that I hadn't put together. I hated not knowing the student's names or learning styles. Ugh! I hated subbing. And now... I will be subbing... again. I am filled with dread knowing I have to go back into these classrooms as a stranger. A new situation every day. A new group of kids every day. I am just dreading it.

Subbing is the way in in this district. I know this is the avenue I have to take. But to be so close to getting a job (I found out later I was 1 of 3 candidates that had received an interview), and not get it is just devastating. I haven't stopped crying since 4:00 this afternoon and it's nearing 10:00.

So what have I learned from all this?

Nothing, yet. I know someday I'm going to look back on this and say "I didn't receive that job because of ____" or "God knew what He was doing and I just couldn't see His plan".

Yeah... I'm not there yet. I could say it's a blessing because in all honesty I don't really like junior highers. Or I could say maybe I'll get a long term subbing position this year that will turn into a dream job. Or I could say now I have more opportunities to meet people and learn more about this district. But... right now I am just plain sad.

I feel like a failure, I feel like I've let down myself, I feel like I'm wasting my life. And that last one is the biggest one.

I feel like I am wasting my life.

I'm only a meer 24 years old. It's not like I've lived that long. But I just think about everything in my life I want to accomplish. Teaching is one of the biggest things I want to do, along with having children. My husband and I both agree that we want me to be a stay at home mom. Which leaves me with very few years to be a teacher... which is a huge desire of mine. I spent this whole last year subbing and I hated it... I don't want to do it again.

So that's my dilemma. I'm going to try to have joy. I'm going to try to remember that God has a bigger plan. This is not the end. I can't plan out my whole life... who knows what will happen!

And that's where I'm left. Sad I don't have a job, hopeful for the future? Maybe not honestly, but I'm trying.