Great is Thy Faithfulness

I realized my last blog post title was "When You Feel Like a Failure", but I then failed to give a cure for when you feel like that. Probably because I, myself, felt like a failure and had no answers.

Today is the first day of school in our district. I have a great sadness in my heart. I wanted so badly to have a classroom today. I was craving the chance to grade papers again, create lesson plans, and lead my students. I was born to be a teacher and when that desire is not met I feel so... so... what am I looking for... incomplete.

Yes, incomplete.

How am I supposed to feel when  I have such a great desire for something and I do everything in my power to obtain that desire... and the rest is left up to someone else? It's depressing. And I know I am not the only one to ever get turned down from a job or to lose out on a chance to take hold of their heart's desire. Stuff happens.

I'm reminded of that beautiful hymn I grew up singing- "Great is Thy Faithfulness". And it's true. God's faithfulness to His children is GREAT! He won't leave me abandoned in this depression, He won't walk away from this sad person... He remains faithful... now get this- to me. He remains faithful to me. How powerful is that?

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
"Great is Thy faithfulness" Lord unto me

My prayer and my heart's hymn today.

And that's the answer to when you feel like a failure. His faithfulness.

When You Feel Like a Failure

School in this district starts in two days. I received a call yesterday about interviewing for an 8th grade Language Arts position today. I spent all night and early morning reading, preparing, practicing, re-reading, mock interviewing, and everything in between. I had a sleepless night, but I felt like the best candidate for the job. I even printed out previous newsletters, lesson plans, and my portfolio to share along with my resume and reference letters. And overall... I feel like I did fairly well at my interview. I maintained eye contact with the entire team that was interviewing me, I looked and talked the part, I had excellent answers for every question and I was even put on the spot a few times. When I left the interview I, of course, critiqued everything I did. Maybe I talked too fast. Maybe I rambled too much. Maybe I forgot to share an important scenario or key word. For the most part though, I felt so sure of myself.

I was told a few hours later that a "better qualified candidate was chosen".

I immediately broke into tears. Now a background story about me would let you know I do not love junior high teaching, per say. I was not thrilled to be interviewing for this job compared to a third or fourth grade position. But I sure as heck made sure they didn't know that. I made it seem like I was in love with junior highers and it was my dying wish to be their teacher (maybe not that desperate sounding). So, it was not the fact that I didn't get this job... I broke into tears because I had failed.

I spent this whole last year subbing, just aching to have my own classroom. Each and every day that I subbed was a painful process. I hated being in a classroom that wasn't mine. I hated teaching lessons that I hadn't put together. I hated not knowing the student's names or learning styles. Ugh! I hated subbing. And now... I will be subbing... again. I am filled with dread knowing I have to go back into these classrooms as a stranger. A new situation every day. A new group of kids every day. I am just dreading it.

Subbing is the way in in this district. I know this is the avenue I have to take. But to be so close to getting a job (I found out later I was 1 of 3 candidates that had received an interview), and not get it is just devastating. I haven't stopped crying since 4:00 this afternoon and it's nearing 10:00.

So what have I learned from all this?

Nothing, yet. I know someday I'm going to look back on this and say "I didn't receive that job because of ____" or "God knew what He was doing and I just couldn't see His plan".

Yeah... I'm not there yet. I could say it's a blessing because in all honesty I don't really like junior highers. Or I could say maybe I'll get a long term subbing position this year that will turn into a dream job. Or I could say now I have more opportunities to meet people and learn more about this district. But... right now I am just plain sad.

I feel like a failure, I feel like I've let down myself, I feel like I'm wasting my life. And that last one is the biggest one.

I feel like I am wasting my life.

I'm only a meer 24 years old. It's not like I've lived that long. But I just think about everything in my life I want to accomplish. Teaching is one of the biggest things I want to do, along with having children. My husband and I both agree that we want me to be a stay at home mom. Which leaves me with very few years to be a teacher... which is a huge desire of mine. I spent this whole last year subbing and I hated it... I don't want to do it again.

So that's my dilemma. I'm going to try to have joy. I'm going to try to remember that God has a bigger plan. This is not the end. I can't plan out my whole life... who knows what will happen!

And that's where I'm left. Sad I don't have a job, hopeful for the future? Maybe not honestly, but I'm trying.

Garden-Fresh Chicken

Since moving to our new house, my plants have been thriving! We have so much sun on our back deck and a hose very conveniently located. So that gives me much more to cook and figure out with the abundance of herbs I have shooting up everywhere. Yes, I dry some out... but I really like the taste and smell of fresh herbs in our food.

So the other day I used three of my herbs in a delicious chicken recipe! It was pretty good and VERY simple. And the result was this crispy, charbroiled, fresh, healthy(ish) chicken thigh (see below).

If you didn't have fresh herbs growing in your backyard or at your local grocery store, you can always used dried herbs. I've done it and it's just as good. But I needed to use my fresh ones up! 

I chose to combine rosemary, sweet basil, and thyme. Other herbs that would work great with that combination would be oregano or parsley. Make sure you rinse the herbs, pull the leaves, and loosely chop. 

Combine your herbs (1/4-1/2 cup worth) with the juice from one lemon, some olive oil, 2-3 cloves of garlic (unless you get lucky and get a HUGE, MONSTROUS clove like mine), a dollop of dijon mustard, salt and pepper. Combine the ingredients and spread on all sides of the chicken. You could do thighs or breasts. If you want, pull the skin up and rub the herb mixture underneath. I didn't and found it still tasted crispy and good. 

You could either bake your chicken at 400 degrees for 20-25 minutes or do as I did and GRILL! It's too dang hot to turn my oven on. I grilled each side for about 10 minutes. The way to do chicken on the grill is medium heat. It gets you a crispy skin, while keeping the center moist. 

That's about it. It's garden-fresh, easy-peasy food! We ate it alongside rice and broccoli. What are some recipes you like to use your fresh herbs on? 

Garden-Fresh Chicken

• 4-5 Chicken breasts or thighs, bone-in, skin-on
• 1/4-1/2 cup of fresh herbs
• rosemary
• parsley
• basil
• thyme, etc. 
• 2-3 cloves of garlic, chopped
• the juice from one lemon
• 1 tablespoon of dijon mustard
• 1 tablespoon of olive oil, or more until smooth consistency 
• salt and pepper to taste

1. Blend or process the herbs, chopped garlic, lemon juice, dijon mustard, salt and pepper. Pour in olive oil until you reach a smooth consistency. 
2. Rub the mixture over both sides and/or under the skin of each piece of chicken. 
3. Grill the chicken on medium heat for 10 minutes on each side or until done. 

Breakfast on the Go

We love breakfast in this house. My husband and I were just talking the other day about breakfast food. We both agreed we could eat it anytime of the day and never hate it. So yummy. Still moist eggs, crispy hashbrowns, salty bacon, chocolatey pancakes... it's all just so good.

We usually have breakfast for dinner... or brinner... at least once a month. It's an easy dinner and takes little time. I always try to make extras so I can pack up some delicious breakfast burritos for the future.

So for dinner I usually scramble and entire dozen or more of eggs. I pour an entire pack of hashbrowns in the skillet for crisping. I cook up an entire pound of bacon (and if I run out of room, I throw them in the oven), and I make 25-30 pancakes.

Once you eat all the food you want for dinner... which can be a lot :), gather all the leftovers to start to assemble your burritos. They are an easy breakfast on the go that you can freeze and enjoy for a long time.

I usually stuff our burritos with the eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, some cheddar cheese, and sometimes salsa. You really could put whatever else in there you like that microwaves well. Although, I would stay away from whole veggies or things that don't freeze well.

I layer the tortillas with all the goods, fold them up, and wrap them in plastic wrap. Once they are tightly wrapped in plastic wrap, you can throw them in a gallon ziploc bag for freezing. When you are ready to eat them, pull one out and microwave. I usually defrost mine in the microwave for 5 minutes and then heat for 1.5 minutes. You could also thaw the burrito while you are getting ready or the night before and then microwave for a minute or so.

This time I even had leftover potatoes from dinner the night before that I stuffed in the burrito! Pretty yummy. Make sure to add lots of cheese... that really makes it good.

And those 30 pancakes I made? We ate about 5 of them between the two of us and I put the rest in a ziploc freezer bag. Pancakes freeze nicely. You can pull out 1 or 20 and microwave them for an easy breakfast as well.

Or if you want to get fancy, grab two pancakes and put some eggs and bacon between it... homemade Mcgriddle? I think so.

Easy and delicious!